totally sad and depress..=( help!!!!who can hear mme???HELPPP!!!

i suck i know.can i juz end my life nw and restart aggain?i promise to be goood...

this place seeems lik some torn down place...a place wher i throw all my damn complain...only come here when i am feelng down..

super down..was troubled enough intially..but my mum add salt into wound...thanks mum!

i asked her for money for my driving lesson tmr morning..and she asked me.."no money liao uh!" haiyaa nt enough money to pay for lesson lah..pay liao jiu realli hv to eat maggee for de whole of next 2 weeks liao lo!~

than she started naggin...say within10days i spent so much..she nv even check out details and start kb-ing...sighh..well...fuck..she expects me to stay home after work everyday...what's in her mind man...why de fuck does she hv to keep her precious daughter @ home?will it help me grow money?or will it help her grow money?if dun go out socialise jiu no friend le..sighh she juz dun understand de no friend theory..if keep tellin friend tt no money go out..at the end of de day jiu no one will ask me out any more le..old ppl mindset difficult to make them understand..

seriously transport fee nb-ing ex...less than a weeek and i spent 20bucks on transport le..seriously horrible...sighh per trip going to work everyday already cost me 1.09...=( guess i cant owe a car next time...i will definately keep complainin about de petrol fee...sigh

money money money=(

but what realli makes me more sad guess its friend...

i guess i am rather processive...i want all my friends' attention..i want all my friends to rmb they hv a friend by de name of chunhui...but things juz go opposite..no one rmbs me and no one giv a damn for me..alright except a few=(

friends who we used to hook on de phone for hours...now barely even 15mins..what's more our convo isnt lik last time wherby is filled w crap and shit..now its about personal favour tt he is askin me..so tt means tt dun need my help jiu wun hear from u...

guess i seriously sucks..going after friendship which is close to 100% will sink one..aso dun wanna cherish those 80% will work well one...sighh...now tt both ship sink..i am de one who is drownin and shouting for help yet no one hears me..or rather..they shut their ear...act as if they dun hear...

i know i cant change hw things is..impression form and its seriously hard to change..anyway it tks two hands to clap...yeah u know what...

guess i hv big ego tooo...or is it tt i duno how i should approach ppl?sigh what's wrong w me...guess i wun be doing anything w de sink friendship...i will juz cherish de remainin unsink one..and be careful about those new ships cuming...

i know i sucks.i always treat ppl lik shit when i get pissed and stuff..that's me..and i know it..i sucks...and i know i seriously sucks..=( i didnt mean to and want to either...sink de damn ship...not juz tt...make situation akward...guess i will needa control myself..more..i swear i will..i must..sigh needa change for good..more patient..more hardworking..less vulgar...more be ther for ppl..more initiative..more big hearted...

sigh..i wish i can change de entire me..i must nt loss temper anymore...i must nt loss anyone anymore...

i must not say tt ther are ships tt are worth to let it sink...i might regret next time..i realli nv know...well somethings juz cant put in word..

sick and tired..money friendship life..fucked up!=( any way i can slp for 24 hrs?sigh..

sighhh i needa rant....yet i dun wana do it so publicly...i dun wana rant to anyone...becoz its a sensitive issue(to some) and it might sounds as if i am showin off...

but..

sigh..

its all about uni...uni..and uni..

doing de acceptance thingy....than...settled de tution grant...next going bank to loan money liao....

moneyy..

sighh...

ppl are warnin me tt EEE v difficult to study..

but what can i do other than to try my best?

i cant possibily giv up even before trying right?but what if i realli fail?i will be wasting money...time....yeah...and become a laughing stock...mayb nt all..but sum who are simply jealous ...those who cant get into uni..they will definately laugh @ me...dreaming to go uni w such bad result...sometimes working hard juz wun work..i duno what's wrong w my brain seriously..i feeel so slow..i feeeel tt i wun be able to get what de lecturers going to say etc and stuff..its worrying me..

dun go uni i aso sian..now go liao aso sian..i realli duno what kinda life i should lead..totally emo..sad...feeel lik crying..but no tears out...

sighh..who realli understand what i am realli sad and worrying about..who does?

intially i hav a entry full w anger...but since it cant be sav properly..i guess its fate..its all gone now..

shall juz let it go bah..

life been alright lately bah..

dun wanna expect too much..

i miss days @ peps so much..realli...music tk me away from reality..i miss de days..

i am totally an evil kid!

anyway i am in love w simpson!hahah=D

ok that's nt de pt..

ahhhh..today is dinner w ur family DAY!!so off work @ 430..but..i left pretty early...130?

i spent 1 hr 30 mins to finished de excel sheeet.and that's how i wish time will fly...but it dun often fly tt fast...

anyway had a real bad diarrohea in the morning.i hv no idea what causes it.is it de coffeee?i think so...drinkin coffee w a almost empty stomach is a no no..but what to do..i am toooo slpy..i needa some coffee badly to wake me up..and it did!makin me run to toilet..wahaha!

yeah had jelly-lik leg..feeel realli sick=( so decided to tk pm leave..and my boss allows!

thank goodness=D

what happen next should be blog here...i will nv forget de kfc incident.u juz duno how werid and bo liao some ppl can be lah...anyway!~

de kids are great!definately improved!but many disappear..wher hv they gone too?and seriously i doubt i wil be able to b relief teacher lah.lotsa crap..hahaha..mayb i realli aint suitable to be a teacher..u know why?

"TA MA DE"

alright..tht's good enough...

ekeekeee!~~

someone called..lol..i thought he already forgotten me..but...to my surprise..he still rmb he hv a friend by de name of ong chun hui!gooooodnesss..a realli short chat..but for one thing i am sure..he is still alive.hahah..shavin botak soon lo!hahaha...haven had our da bao session for quite sometimes..waaha!

oh another someone called today..wahaha.totally crap shit!hahhaa...he hang up my phone when i asked him if he is someone else coz his voice sounds diff..lol..alright found out tt his phone spoilt or something..hahah he tried callin me back..but i entered de no reception area.tooooo bad!=D although we alway end up arguing..hahah but prettty funnny..oh my those days!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh such a happpy day.or nt realli?lol.

pa says i wun be able to be qualified for PHD...

PHD=poly halfway dropout

but...i think..i might get a chance to get UHD..

UHD=uni halfway dropout..

haha!

ok.let's share something funny here..

i watched simpson yesterday and ther is tis part damn funny...

bart and lisa are arguing...so de homer came and asked what they arguing about..

"we are arguin to see who loves u more!"lisa said.

"ohhh ok..contnue"homer said w that kinda v touched face..lol..

than lisa and bart started to push each other and says..

"u love dad more"

"nooo u love dad more"

wahaha!damn funny lah!they juz dun wanna to be known as de one who love dad more ppl.WAHAHA!zzzzzzzz.

de gathering w my pri sch mates are great!didnt meet them close to half a yr man!aha that's how not often we meet..haha or rather...that's how seldom we meet.but everytime we meet.we juz hv tooo much to talk about.mayb becoz we are quite a big gp.10 of us..and plus plus.

first we intented to meet in june..but suddenly weikit say wanna meet on tis coming friday.so we had a conference and ended up meet up today.so intented to eat botak jones.but later we are too lazy and gotta ourselve a seat at subway.jiu ze yang.we keep changing and changing our plan until something nt we plan in advance de.lol.

hv toooo much to talk about till de extend tt we needa move our ass away from subway becoz they needa close shop and ther isnt any place to sit at mac nor coffee bean.so they suggested west coast and juz nice 2 cars..10 peeps!

than i start to wonder how come tong ren bu tong ming.haha they hv car to drive..me?=( dun hv....haiz...

but nvm.life's lik tis....

yeah over all a great nite spent=D

tired of waiting.juz get out of my sight and hearing.i hope it all ends....n nv come again.toturing..=(

ok...so isnt my fault tt i cant retrive de info..coz i wasnt given de accesss to...heng DAO!~~~anyway she didnt say anything..and she dun sounds impatient today!and that's goooD.

but i still dislik tis kinda life.=(

i duno what happen but i got headach...damn pain.isnt that kinda pain..but is those..suddenly pain..macham kenna poke my needle..i wun be surprise if ever i am diagnose w some illness or whatever.although ther are still many things haven happen but i am quite contented w what i hv.if want hurry tk my life before it goes on..before new things happen.by then i might not bare to let go..

some hw suddenly..i recall de scene of ah ma leaving us..de those days..haiz time juz flies.6 mths plus le...ah huay uh..hw hv u been?=( no reply...

saw hilal on de way bk from work.i think he grew fatter le..hahah almost couldnt recognise him until i took a step nearer..hahah or mayb i needa a new pair of glasses..so ps...i knock de exit door abit too hard uh..hahaha..haiz..those days man.miss those days whereby ther isnt a need to drag feet there....miss those days wakin up every morning wondering what kinda exciting thing gotta happen..not lik now..i wake up everyday wondering what kinda shit i will be getting.sighh

hahah than rena came and start talkin to me about my msn nick which is

"i wake up everyday wondering what kinda shit i will be getting."

go everyday wher aso got shit de..juz de matter what kinda shit and what's de taste and favour of shit..hahah.sounds disgusting..but..haah funny!~~

i hope to get sweet and strawberrry favour shit everyday!kekeke!

zzz!~

si mianed yesterday..was it de coke or was it de stress?if its de coke..than ok..fine..dun drink coke @ night de next time..if its de stresss..than i think i v jia lat liao..seriously so dragged to go work lah!~~haiz if realli work until end of july i realli needa a new pair of shoe...coz i DRAGG my feet to work.=( sad

very sad

sum how i sense that she wun come..

and..

TADA!!!!she didnt come!!!!!!

but still load of work to do..and..i dun seems to be able to retrive de data...haiz.i already write down how liao lo..still cannot..tmr sure tio kan badly one..=( she better dun hi-am tooo much about de pie chart i do...

haiz.want to go be relief teacher rather BADLY.i want to go..i want to go!!i realli want to go...=(

i want to go peps!!i want to go peps!!i want to go to de band!!!i want to play w de kids!!i want to laugh w de kids..i want to be their entertainer...-_-- who cares.as long i am happy!~~kekekeke laughin...weee and time flies..

time crawl...@ bona vista..

haiz.will i be able to be relief teacher?

haizzz

met up w ben jc zh yesterday.such a random and last min meet up.but stilll..talk alot..anywayy now aso nth much we can do other than talk..kekeke

what else can we all talk about?driving..army..and uni!~

army sounds fun..but..DRAGful aso..kekeke.but realli sound fun la!~~coz i onli use my ear mahh..lol..dun needa sweat..lol..

drivin uh.failing FTT is nth ok!even smart ben aso fail..kekeke..no wonder i fail.lol...but muz jia you jia you jia you!!

ther is tis line zh said and i reali agreee..and enlightened me.

"army makes me a weaker man"

he was bball player in my sec sch team..a quite good one..lol..memories of 2e4 bball days flew back..oh..and ya..but he is in pes C becoz his heart.now he feeels he is weaker..not exercising lik he used to..not runnin lik he used to..juz become of de groupin..de pes thingy.

so he told me tt.dun because of what ppl say than effect our own..hahah so for me ..i should say..

"word makes me a weaker gal"

ya..words hurts.=(

ben aso gav some warning..to better study hard thruout de 3 yrs..becoz getting a less than 2 for GPA means u dun get anything..u wasted ur 3 yrs in uni..u get totally NOTHING..waste time waste money..=( scared.

aimin for a second classs..de best is able to get a second upper classs..but de least i should get is a second lower..

uni is full of fear and excitment i think!

lookin forward to de living in de hostel.but de fear tooo..afraid of de living expenses..not able to cope w studies..etc..haiz.go uni aso stress..dun go aso stresss.. what do i exactly want in life?=(

emoed!

needa slp early.damn tired.but de thought about tmr juz make me realli sian...haiz.friday come faster!

cant live...if living is without you...zzzz juz a song!random shit blogger!

back to sumwher familar.=D

multiply isnt tt easy to use either lah!loadin pic is one prob..haha=D

bk here..w new blog link...hv no intention to giv ppl tis link..juz for myself..

want to pen down my happiness and unhappinesss...

life's beeen juz lik tis.

nothing much revolve around me..other than work.family.friends. and it jz keeep going on on and on..everyday...same thing..

haven been meeting up w alot of my friends..my pri sch friends..both from band and classs..=( and my sec school sisters.didnt manage to meet them de last time.oh and my poly coz mates..as for de rest..either i hv meet them recently..if not i wun be bother much w them..kekeke!of coz not refering to my subway friends lah!kekekke!

anyway!hhaha having too much friend aso no use.coz u hv ttoo many friends resulted in not havin any good friend..ZzzzzZ but who cares!i juz live my life hack care-ly.wooohooo happy happy go out w friends to chill...slack at cafe..lim kopi..eat bread..if not jiu at home watch youtube..sing song...slp...play psp...read story book.tis kinda life isnt tt bad!hahaha..anyway what's comin up is de uni life and i hv so much thing to prepare..kekeke..many things to worry as well..it might seems to be a realli good news..but u nv know..it might be a bad one..cant possible always think of things tooo positively..things will nv always go de way i hope it will go..it tends to go another way.but of coz i will try my best to make it go de way i hope it will go..

some friends are truely angel..while some are juz junk.wahah i am talkin to myself!haha i am juz a piece of junk.i aint a good friend.hahah mayb to some..while others i might be an angel to them.it juz depends bah.if u are worth being treated well..or badly..

few weeks back i dream of me givin a terrible bad attitude to a gp of friends..askin them to shut up and get lost..which i believe in real life i realli will and i did!hahaha..felt bad..but cant be bothered much.anyway they cant be bothered w me too much either..vice verse..ZzzzZ

life juz goes on..ppl cum in and out of life...ZZZZ

hahah is hw funny when i think of friend tt i dislik yet i tried to behav lik im ok w that person.is toturing..but ther is definately some different..de feeeling.to that kinda person i will tend to dun feeel lik talkin to that person and always avoid eyes contact.dun want to see that person aso.eww!~ anyway if u r a nice person and we get along well.ther is no worry to it!hhah i love u!=D but if u r tt kinda who insist ur damn way and think that WHATEVER shit u do are right..and..lik to talk big..ZZZ..u r de most hated.especially when come to talkin big.want to talk big can.but not something aint within ur range.

eg. my father says he will buy me a ang mo chu tmr.

when it is lik totally impossible w ur financial status.not lookin down on tis kinda ppl for ur info.but is if dunno how to swim say dunno how to swim..dun say swimming trunk big!

anyway i quite lik friends who are haolian in a funny way.but nt those we tries to pin ppl down and..yeah..and think u r top of de world.

and of coz i will try not be de kinda ppl i think who are most hated.kekeke..

vent anger out liao.happy!=D

http://huihuiswish.multiply.com

my new blog add...over ther many things can do uh!hahaha soooo goood!can upload photos...show youtube videos...my upcoming exciting event..etc etc.=D